Where do I begin? I guess I should first explain who I am, who Mariah is and how we got here.
My name is Ana and I’m the mother of Mariah’s ex-boyfriend. Mariah and my son where heroin addicts. They were together for three years, and for those three years I fought with their addiction. First let me say when they first met they both were already addicts they both already had troubled hearts and they both already where lost. At the time they had no clue they were addicts and they had no clue there was a solution. Mariah always had this untouchable deep sadness to her. I believe it came from the loss she endured from losing both of her parents at a very young age. Even when she smiled you could see the sadness in her eyes.
Mariah was a girly girl. She loved getting dressed up. She loved cloths and pajamas, high heels and fuzzy slippers, make-up and perfumes. She loved pretty smelling lotions and hair produces. She loved journaling and she absolutely LOVED to read everything and anything. She was a very intelligent young lady.
Mariah the addict was …. She was…. Well to put it simply she was just mean. There was no middle, when the addict in her was awake it showed. I was already was in full battle with my son, I was worn out and I had lost my patience with Mariah and said things I will regret for the rest of my life.
At the end of 2014 recovery was introduced to Allen and Mariah. However Mariah struggled with recovery. I think maybe the “feeling” part of sobriety was just too much. Being numb…. The not feeling the pain from the loss is what she was used to. For most addicts it’s not about the euphoric high it’s about filling a void it’s about filling that emptiness. On October 25th 2015 she put a gun to her head and ended her pain.