Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Telling Her Story

When Mariah died Allen said, “How am I going to make amends with her now? I was going to make my wrongs right by her.” His sponsor told him… Go to the place where Mariah first got introduced to recovery and ask those women what you can do. Take what they say to heart.

This past weekend Allen Counts went to Crossroads for Women and told just a fraction of Mariah’s story. It was a gritty honest account of his role in Mariah’s past, including moments of her kindness and love. It was a humbling experience sitting in the crowd listening to him speak about his role in their addiction together. At times I found it hard to breath, the air was thick and the silence in the room was defining. Throughout his speech I kept imagining Mariah sitting there next to him with her hand on his shoulder, proud of him for speaking out. Proud of him for keeping his word to her. Proud he was telling those woman the ugly truth as hard as it was. That’s just the kind of person she was even more so when it came to Allen.

You can’t talk about Mariah without talking about Allen. They were together for 3 years. All three of those years, as addicts, going from bad to worse. They enabled each other and used each other in some form. But they loved each other in spite of how they lived. Sadly the truth is when two addicts are using together the relationship becomes toxic and deadly; more times than others one gets left behind because the TRUTH is some are sicker than others. Mariah was that one who couldn’t fight off the demons, she struggled with ‘wanting’ to get sober because the pain of reality was too much to bare.

Their request was (as if Mariah was speaking herself) “keep doing what you are doing by telling her story and start an HA (Heroin Anonymous) meeting at our facility. Something Mariah wanted when she was a resident there. He made a promise to her and to those women in Crossroads to spread her story in an effort to save others. Our goal is never let her memory fade, to spread her message in hopes to inspire others. To inspire women and men to get the help needed to overcome addiction and depression. This is for you Mia! We miss you… we love you and are always thinking about you.

"Hope is the thing with feathers"

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

So Hope Really Does Float

So Hope really does float! My friend Heather posted this today on Facebook.

                                                                    Mariah... you didn't know it then but you were getting ready to save lives. Including my sons. Thank you hun... Oh how I wish you could hear me. Just in case you can I want you to know Mia's Dream Team is getting prepared to do work! We're going to make you proud.

October 25th 2015

Where do I begin? I guess I should first explain who I am, who Mariah is and how we got here.

My name is Ana and I’m the mother of Mariah’s ex-boyfriend. Mariah and my son where heroin addicts. They were together for three years, and for those three years I fought with their addiction. First let me say when they first met they both were already addicts they both already had troubled hearts and they both already where lost. At the time they had no clue they were addicts and they had no clue there was a solution. Mariah always had this untouchable deep sadness to her. I believe it came from the loss she endured from losing both of her parents at a very young age. Even when she smiled you could see the sadness in her eyes.  

Mariah was a girly girl. She loved getting dressed up. She loved cloths and pajamas, high heels and fuzzy slippers, make-up and perfumes. She loved pretty smelling lotions and hair produces. She loved journaling and she absolutely LOVED to read everything and anything. She was a very intelligent young lady.

Mariah the addict was …. She was…. Well to put it simply she was just mean. There was no middle, when the addict in her was awake it showed. I was already was in full battle with my son, I was worn out and I had lost my patience with Mariah and said things I will regret for the rest of my life.

At the end of 2014 recovery was introduced to Allen and Mariah. However Mariah struggled with recovery. I think maybe the “feeling” part of sobriety was just too much. Being numb…. The not feeling the pain from the loss is what she was used to. For most addicts it’s not about the euphoric high it’s about filling a void it’s about filling that emptiness. On October 25th 2015 she put a gun to her head and ended her pain. 

This blog is dedicated to Mariah’s memory. It will be about her story about others and their stories. I will find resources, books, videos, blogs  on recovery and suicide prevention. I will find information on recovery facilities and update this blog as often as I can. I’ll do it for you Mariah!